Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
