Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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