if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
