He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
