this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
