wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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