I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
