just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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