Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
