This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
