A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need water and some morals
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
