happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
