There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
