I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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