Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
