I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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