I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
