You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
