she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm too high and old for this...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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