Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
