fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
