Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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