This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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