Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
