I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
