Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
