So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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