Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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