We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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