First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
