we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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