Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
