sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
