just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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