if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
