Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
