Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
