I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize