I want to stick my p in your. b.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
