I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the day after is always just damage control
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wear drunk well.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
