dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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