remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
