what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
