You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
