I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
