I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What a dumb baby whore.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
