If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
