Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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