ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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