im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
