Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
