well I can't set my house on fire every night
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
