Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
did i walk over a car last night?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
