i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
