Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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