Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
