Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
