a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize