I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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