i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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