got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
