Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
