i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
