I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
