I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize