it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
