I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
