That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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