we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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