remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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