I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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