my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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