I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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