i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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