I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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