Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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