3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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