woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
