It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
