A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
