Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you win again, gameday.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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