I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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