Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
how drunk are you?
Several
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
