i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize