ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
