halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
