I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
