Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
