got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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