Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
