Define "chronic" masturbator.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
