i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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