margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
