Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
