just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
a search helicopter?!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
