Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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