Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
