and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
