...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
